#also despite spending 8 months working in a maternity hospital I still felt the need to look up adorable baby videos for *research*

[glorious-blackout]

Wishing an absolutely massive happy birthday to the incredible @rock-n-roll-fantasy!!! 🥰💖🎉 I hope you’re having a wonderful day and that you enjoy your time in England. Keeping my fingers crossed that you’ll magically bump into a certain Sheffield lad on your travels... 😉

As we’ve established, I don’t have a single artistic bone in my body so I can’t draw you an adorable sketch of your little diamond and his tiny turtle decked out in purple dungarees (tragic, I know). So I wrote a Milex one-shot for you instead!

This is basically my attempt at writing something entirely fluffy and I’m not sure how well it turned out, but I hope you enjoy it! 😅🥰💖

A Trio of Kooks

In many respects, it’s a rather typical Sunday afternoon.  

A sunlit glow permeates the tidy living room, cocooning them in a blanket of warmth which has rendered them soft and sleepy. Occasional shadows flicker across the walls as excitable children kick a ball around on the street, but the outside world leaves them be for the most part. Miles occasionally finds himself distracted by the muted recording of an old wrestling match, smirking whenever the camera pans to ecstatic commentators screaming silence into their microphones.  

For the most part, however, his attention is stolen by Alex. His best friend appears to be even less enthused by the match, as his eyelids flutter in weak protest against the threat of an afternoon nap. He’s already made himself perfectly comfortable; sprawled out beside Miles on the recliner sofa with a cushion planted behind his head.  

A wave of affection fills Miles at the familiar sight before him. It would be easy to pretend that nothing has changed since their last get-together, were it not for the tiny creature cradled against Alex’s chest.

The presence of a baby – Alex's baby – amidst their usual weekend hangout is less intrusive than Miles had expected. As he’d rung the doorbell with nervous anticipation thrumming through his veins, he’d half-expected to be greeted with an onslaught of shrill wailing and the sight of a lethargic – albeit lovestruck - Alex. In fairness, Alex’s eyes are flanked by a pair of swollen lids which imply that his foray into fatherhood hasn’t been entirely tranquil, but you would never glean that impression simply from looking at him now. His daughter has been nothing short of an angel ever since Miles arrived, and is now sleeping peacefully with one chubby cheek smushed against Alex’s chest; her delicate face framed by a shock of dark curls. Soft cooing emitted from rosebud lips is the only sound Miles has heard her make since he arrived.  

With her dark hair and pointed chin, Miles may as well be staring directly at a baby photo of Alex from 1986.

“How about Mila?” he suggests out of the blue.

He would almost feel guilty about shattering their blissful reverie, were he not instantly rewarded by the sight of Alex trying to stifle a surprised giggle.

“Definitely not,” Alex retorts, aiming a devilish smirk in Miles’s direction. The effect is ruined, somewhat, when a tiny fist tightens around his index finger, enticing Alex to glance at his daughter with so much adoration that Miles’s heart breaks a little.

“I’m tryin’ me best, you know,” Miles protests, albeit jokingly. He knows full well that Alex’s casual dismissal is not borne of callousness, but rather a sense of weariness over a debate they’ve enacted a dozen times before. “S’not my fault I weren’t blessed with an androgynous name...”

“I’m not naming me daughter after you, Miles,” Alex insists with a degree of finality, and perhaps a hint of regret. Though that might be wishful thinking on Miles’s part.

Much as he loves the little munchkin to pieces, Miles doubts he would have had to fight so hard if she’d emerged as a squalling boy. He hadn’t realised how limited his options were for female equivalents to Miles until he was forced to have a serious debate over whether ‘Melissa’ was similar enough to count as a tribute (conclusion: it wasn’t).  

"Well you need to call her something,” Miles whines, flopping against the back of the sofa with a long-suffering sigh. “Poor thing’s a week old and I’m still referring to her as ‘The Sprog’ in me head.”

Alex fails to contain his giggle this time, and a victorious grin sneaks across Miles’s face as the sound lightens the air. The laughter is cut short when the sprog’s face crumples in displeasure, however, and only after Alex presses a soft kiss to the crown of her head does she return to her light doze.

“We’re narrowin’ down our options,” Alex says in a hushed tone, running one hand gently across his daughter’s back while the other remains imprisoned in her cast-iron grip.  

A fiery red onesie adorns her tiny frame, clashing with the little green socks which hug her feet. Miles recognises the outfit as a gift he’d picked out barely two weeks earlier, having been swayed by the image of a shiny guitar with the words ‘Little Rockstar’ emblazoned underneath.  

“I keep tryin’ to work in a Beatles reference,” Alex continues, though his weak sigh implies that said method has proven less fruitful than he’d hoped. “I tried singin’ ‘er to sleep with ‘Anna’ the other day and it worked a treat, but... you know.”

“Yeah,” Miles commiserates, even as the mental image of Alex singing his baby to sleep fills his chest with so much warmth, he could trek across Siberia in shorts and barely feel a chill. “You’d prob’ly get disowned if you didn’t use ‘Penny Lane’.”

The pained expression Alex throws him implies that Miles has hit the nail on the head. Though honestly, ‘Penny’ is starting to look like a decent option compared to the clunkers Matt and Jamie suggested at their last meet-up. Matt in particular had caused a stir by launching into a passionate, cider-fuelled rant over the merits of Alex naming his child ‘Stormageddon’.  

Not that Miles can claim total innocence on that count.

“Looks like we’re back to The Sprog then,” Miles concedes with a sigh of defeat. “Or Ziggy. I always liked the idea of Ziggy.”

“Oh, come on!” Alex scoffs, once again risking the sleepy wrath of the child sprawled across his chest. His heartbeat must provide a soothing lullaby however, for she doesn’t make a peep. “That were one suggestion months ago when we thought she might be a boy. You can’t still be fixed on it?”

“Did you honestly expect me to care about any of your boring suggestions after we added Bowie to the list?” Miles asks incredulously, trying to keep his voice as level as possible. Such effort swiftly goes out the window once a bulb of inspiration ignites within him. “Oooh, Bowie!”

“No!” Alex insists, though his clear enjoyment of the suggestion presents itself in a glowing smile.  

In that moment, in spite of his unwashed hair and the sleep clinging to his eyes and the stubble crawling across his cheeks, Miles cannot recall Alex ever looking more beautiful. Which is saying something, because calling Alex ‘beautiful’ or ‘gorgeous has been baked into his daily routine for a solid decade.  

Newfound silence stretches onward as though time itself has stood still, granting them a sense of tranquillity in a week which has felt never-ending. Only when Alex casts his gaze back to his baby does the spell break, though the crinkles around his eyes refuse to abate. One of his fingers comes up to graze along his daughter’s rosy cheek, before brushing a stray curl back from her ear. Her little brows furrow at the motion – her inhalations pausing as her eyes roll beneath her eyelids – but it doesn’t take long for the comfort of Alex’s actions to soothe her back to sleep.

This display of fatherhood may be new to Miles, but the image of Alex’s child has been on his mind all week. Alex had been rather secretive on her birthday, withholding photos in favour of texts proclaiming that he had a baby girl who ‘has more hair than I do!’. Inexplicably, a row of heart-eyed emojis had worked their way into an otherwise immaculate paragraph, forcing Miles to wonder if his best mate had been replaced with an alien clone.

The photos had come later, out of necessity rather than preference. Any plans to take the sprog home and show her off to friends after one night in hospital had promptly been scuppered by her developing jaundice. Her first days of existence had therefore been spent on a postnatal ward, being subjected to phototherapy while vampiric doctors attacked her tiny feet in their quest for blood tests. Alex had regaled all of this to Miles over the phone in a casual tone which only wavered once or twice, but the desperation to take her home had been clear as day beneath the jokes.

Miles finally received his first glimpse of her when she was three-days-old. The photo had arrived midway through his morning run, announced by a cheerful ping which rudely interrupted his beloved Scott Walker, and he’d drawn to an abrupt halt in his desperation to lay eyes upon the sprog for the first time. The poor thing had been strapped into her phototherapy cocoon; her body concealed beneath what looked like a plasticky sleeping-bag decorated with polka dots, as a sickly blue glow radiated from within. Only her head and a tiny hand were visible, with even her face partially obscured behind a white cotton mask. Miles quickly gathered that this mask was supposed to protect her fragile eyes from the ultraviolet rays, but the sprog clearly had other ideas. Her chubby fist had grasped hold of the fabric and tugged it downwards, until the mask rested over her lips, revealing bronzed skin and a perfect button nose and a single dark eye which stared mischievously at the camera.

The photo itself would have floored him with affection on its own, but Alex’s subsequent caption was the dagger which ruined him completely. Contained in a little text-bubble was a brief message which Miles could almost hear in Alex’s voice: ‘You’ll be glad to know that your niece is already a massive troublemaker x’.  

Deep down, he had known that he was officially ‘Uncle Miles’ now. Miles and Alex had come to that agreement long before the idea of babies even felt like a possibility. They were both only children after all, with no hope of ever having biological nieces or nephews, but their closeness was so absolute that they may as well have been bound by blood.  

The fact that said closeness regularly exceeded the boundaries of what could be considered brotherly had never interfered with their pact to be honourary uncles to each other’s children.

Despite this, nothing could have prepared Miles for the intensity of love which would assault him upon seeing the words ‘your niece’ for the first time. The accompanying photo was merely the heart-breaking icing on the cake. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from this perfect little creature, already defying the rules in order to demonstrate that she had inherited her father’s eyes. Several minutes were spent simply gazing at Alex’s message, taking in the shape of the words and the cadence of them on his tongue, until a crushing wave of adoration reduced him to weeping mess on a park bench.  

“I can’t believe how much she looks like you,” Miles says, feeling stirrings of love reawaken when the corner of his niece’s lips tug upwards in an approximation of a sleepy smile.

“Me neither,” Alex admits, a blissful smile of his own gracing his lips. He presses another kiss into that thick nest of curls and is rewarded for his efforts with a soft mewl. “God, I hope I haven’t cursed her with me nose.”

“Oh, don’t be daft!” Miles protests, before Alex can go on a spree of self-deprecation. He receives a half-hearted scoff for his trouble, which only forces him to double-down. “She’s perfect, love.”  

Alex looks up at Miles, his expression soft and so tender it looks like several years have dropped off him. It’s an expression which wouldn’t have been out of place in their naïve youth, as they trekked along the French countryside on bikes or stayed up late in each other’s bedrooms, writing songs together while their mums brought up biscuits and tea. It’s been more than a decade since then. So much had changed even before the arrival of Alex’s baby girl, but every now and then those distant days will feel so recent that Miles can almost taste them.

“I know,” Alex agrees, still gifting Miles with a soft smile which clutches at his heart and refuses to let go. That same tenderness becomes directed at his daughter, as he studies her every action with palpable awe. “I can’t believe she’s mine.”

His fingers come up once more to brush soft curls away from her heart-shaped face, eliciting another of those gummy smiles which fades far too quickly for Miles’s liking. He longs to reach out and touch her himself. He’s been desperate for a cuddle ever since he accepted the invitation over to Alex’s flat, and while he’s loath to rob his niece of her precious naptime, he may be forced to resort to extreme measures if she ends up taking after her dad in that respect. Fittingly enough, drawing Alex into a sneaky cuddle has also proven to be a reliable method for waking him up from indulgent lie-ins.

Such desperate measures can probably wait for now. As a blanket of silence drapes over the room, Miles contents himself with watching yet another wrestling match he’s already memorised. The violence unfolding onscreen loses a considerable degree of intensity with the volume on mute, but Miles can hardly pretend to be invested anyway. The frequency of stolen glances towards Alex and the sprog become so excessive that he eventually stops pretending to care about the match and simply drinks in the scene before him. Alex’s eyelids have apparently grown heavier, to the point where he’s relented and slipped into a doze himself. It appears to be a light one, judging by the protective hand still grazing along his daughter’s back, but Miles appreciates the excuse to direct more attention towards the duo regardless. At least if Alex tries to call him out for being a creep, he can insist that he was acting upon his duties as uncle and ensuring the little one was safe.

Besides, it’s in performing these duties that he first notices the sprog beginning to wake up. The signs are subtle at first, so much so that Miles almost expects her to go back to sleep immediately. A flicker of movement beneath eyelids soon morphs into a furrow of brows and an unhappy frown, and eventually Miles sneaks a peek of dark irises as her lashes flutter open. At only seven-days-old, she appears to have mastered the correct response to finding oneself awake after a nap, and she quickly expresses her hatred for such an injustice. The muted calm is shattered by soft whimpers and choked hiccoughs as her once-serene face screws up in anger, forcing Miles to brace himself against an inevitable cacophony.

When the hiccoughs finally make way for high-pitched squalling, Miles launches himself off the sofa and scoops her from Alex’s chest as gently as he can. It’s been a long time since he cradled a newborn, but the instincts return to him in full force as he supports her neck and hugs her tiny body close to his chest, making gentle rocking motions in the process. The source of her distress remains elusive. Her once peaceful face has adopted a startling shade of beetroot and her delicate features have screwed up in abject fury, and it’s only when Miles offers her a thumb to grasp that she starts to settle. A glance over to Alex informs Miles that his eyes have fluttered open, but Miles dissuades him from getting up with a shake of his head and a mouthed ‘I’ve got this’.  

After a few seconds of hesitation, his assurance ultimately proves convincing enough to lull Alex back to sleep.

“Come ‘ere toots,” Miles coos, cuddling his niece closer to his chest and wandering over to the window. The sun is beginning to sink beneath the surrounding flats, bathing them in a pale pink glow as evening approaches. “You wanna tell me all about it?”

She proceeds to do so. Miles listens intently as her anguished cries dwindle to disgruntled mewls, and he indulges in a wave of victory as the fire in her cheeks makes way for a familiar shade of rose. After a few minutes of gentle rocking and soft hushes, all trace of tension leaves her body and watery eyes creep open to take in the pleasant glow of the sinking sun.

“Oh that sounds awful!” Miles agrees as the sprog lets out one final hiccough, albeit the sensation of her little fist tightening around his thumb results in him sounding more delighted by that proclamation than sympathetic. “What did the evil midwife do next?”

The midwife in question is a wonderful lady by all accounts, who according to Alex had endured a barrage of anxious questions this morning with endless patience and wisdom. Unfortunately, she’d also shouldered the task of pricking the sprog’s heel in order to screen her blood for weird and wonderful genetic diseases. It would appear a trace of resentment still lingers in the youngster, judging by her pitiful whine.

“She did?” Miles asks, looking down only to find that the distress in his niece’s face has been replaced with wide-eyed curiosity. “Well don’t you fret about that now, my love. Nothin’ bad’s ever gonna happen to you while your Uncle Miles is here.”

This is the first time he’s had a chance to look in her eyes. He’s aware that eye-colour can change over the first couple of months, so the murky blend of teal and hazel he finds in her irises is hardly surprising, but those striking doe-eyes could only have come from her daddy. Miles can predict it now; in a few months he’ll arrive at Alex’s flat bearing a new teddy for little Mila or Ziggy or Stormageddon, only to be met with a chocolate-brown gaze capable of melting his heart into a puddle of goo.

Even now, taking in her inquisitive eyes and pointed chin and shock of dark hair, Miles can’t help but be reminded of his first ever glimpse of Alex. The stark likeness elicits a lump in his throat, as his heart fills with so much love he fears it may burst.

“Look at those fingers,” Miles dotes, looking down to where his thumb is currently locked in a firm grip. Her fingers look surprisingly long compared to the chubby palm of her hand; the mark of a budding musician if ever he’s seen one. “Are you gonna be a massive rockstar like your daddy?”

Her large eyes blink owlishly up at him, transfixed, until the force of a sudden sneeze forces her to screw them shut once again.  

“I’m taking that as a yes,” Miles chuckles, caressing a finger along her soft cheek as her eyes narrow in the wake of a second sneeze.  

It strikes him then that he’s still swaying; rocking his precious cargo in gentle motions as the sun dips beneath adjacent roofs and bathes them in shadow. Any need for such action has long since passed. His niece’s cries have faded to the recesses of memory only to be replaced by gentle cooing, but the weight of her in his arms is so comforting that Miles never wants to let her go. Passing her back to Alex when he awakens will no doubt feel like severing a limb, and Miles doesn’t want to suffer that loss just yet.  

So instead, as familiar doe-eyes flutter against the siren-call of sleep, he resorts to humming random bursts of melody to ease her along. It all starts off very vague, as half-remembered lullabies return to him in fits and starts, but it doesn’t take long for words to come forth. He finds it impossible to hold back a grin as he croons along to ‘Ziggy Stardust’. Perhaps it’s not the most typical of lullabies for a newborn, but if the sprog wanted typical, she would have picked a more conventional family to be born into.  

By the time his hushed rendition of Bowie morphs into an equally lowkey version of ‘Penny Lane’, the little one is fast asleep. Faint puffs of air escape from parted lips as her grip grows slack around Miles’s thumb. Moving at a snail’s pace so as not to wake her, Miles eases away from the window and turns back towards the sofa, still humming under his breath as he ventures over to Alex.  

His best friend appears to be caught in the same deep slumber as his daughter, with his body angled towards the window to bathe in the dying rays of a pink sunset. Shadows dance across his peaceful features, lurking in the valleys of his cheekbones and stripping a decade off his face. Miles can’t help but be reminded once again of the boy he met backstage all those years ago. He could never have envisioned just how precious that shy teenager would eventually become to him, nor that he would one day be overwhelmed with joy at the prospect of becoming an uncle to his baby girl.  

Perhaps there are aspects of those years that Miles wishes he could change. In retrospect, he knows there are chances he wishes he’d taken - secrets he wishes he’d unearthed from his heart - but it’s hard to feel an ounce of regret as he gazes down at the perfect creature nestled against his chest.  

Only when Miles settles himself on the sofa does he notice the serene smile playing across Alex’s lips, and it occurs to him that he may never have gone back to sleep after all.  

[losingitinjersey]

Ever spend the last 12 days intending to blog every day and then never finding the time to do so?  Yup, that’s where I’ve been at.  Straight up in survival mode over here.  

My MIL left on Monday and while my days since have been spent constantly putting out fires managing two crying children (often at the same time), I’m oh so flipping happy to be on my own again :) I understand that it’s important for family to come and visit and get to know their grandchildren. While I’m happy we all had that time together I’m glad to now have the time to figure out life as a family of four without an extra person in the house.  

Kevin started a new rotation that has him gone six days a week from 4 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. (or later) so all he has time to do is come home and sleep.  Poor guy :( I went from having both him and either my mom or MIL home all the time to now doing everything alone.  It’s a lot but I’m surviving!  

Here’s a rundown of some of the highlights from the last 12 days. 

Aug passed her hearing test!  Woooo!

Thanks to the MIL here, Kevin and I were able to go (BY OURSELVES) out to dinner, out to brunch, on several walks, and two grocery shopping dates!  Such a dreeaaammm!

My MIL strongly dislikes/is scared of my cat, Saki.  As such, on one of the days I was gone at appointments with Aug for six hours she didn’t let him downstairs.  Due to this he pooped in my bedroom on the carpet :(  To my MIL’s credit, she thought he had a litterbox upstairs, but no.  That’s why I’m always letting him down and opening up the bathroom with the litterbox in it for him all the time.  Pay attention, woman. 

While we’re on the MIL rant, I’ll keep going with two more stories. 

I’ve put Erp to sleep every night of her life except for when I was at the hospital delivering Aug.  We have a bedtime routine that I look forward to every day and one that I find to be an intimate experience that only we share.  One night that I’m putting her down, I come out to find the kitchen and dining room still a mess with Kevin and his mom sitting on the couch (she has Aug in her arms so she gets a pass).  But I’m frustrated and start to clean.  At one point I look up to ask if MIL can turn on the monitor (that I know was turned off before I went in to start bedtime) and I see she’s looking at it watching Erp.  I ask her if that means she watched us while we were in there.  She replied that she had.  I reply, “Great.” Drop what I’m washing in the sink and run upstairs slamming the door shut behind me.  I go to pump and cool off.  I come downstairs 40 minutes later to tell her I overreacted but also that I felt she had invaded our privacy.  She tells me, through tears, that it reminded her of her time with Kevin when he was a baby.  I get it, but still.  Kevin said had he known she was watching he would have told her to stop since I made it VERY clear to him early on in Erp’s life that I don’t like being watched on the monitor when I’m in there with her.  I guess I should have told her about my preference in advance but I never thought I’d need to spell it out like that.  

For the last week she was here, she had Chicago Med on the TV constantly, at relatively loud volume.  Please note that we never ever ever have the TV on at our house unless we’re actively watching something, and if that happens it’s 99% of the time just me watching and I do it for an hour at night when everyone is asleep.  If we need background noise, music is playing.  She would just sit on the couch and watch her show talking about gunshots, premature birth, and whatever kind of medical drama while my kids are running around.  I’m sorry, but I thought you were here to connect with your grandkids?  So while she sat on the couch, I would engage and play with Erp for hours.  Cool cool cool.  

Please note that despite all this she’s a lovely woman and a great grandmother and mother and MIL.  I came into her visit already dreading more company, and I’m sure I’m still surging with hormones from the pregnancy (right? or am I just this way always now?).  All this to say that I was not begging her to stay and getting used to taking care of both kids on my own wasn’t that hard since I’d basically been doing it during her entire visit. 

Okay, let’s take a breather and talk about other things. 

Do you remember the 21st night of September? I DO because my 6 week old slept 12 straight hours! GLORIOUS. 

After finishing listening to Billy Summers (loved it!) I decided to undertake Stephen King’s hefty novel, The Stand.  I’d been scared to attempt it ever since I read 100 pages of it in 9th grade before deciding to pick it up again later.  I guess 23 years later did the trick because I’m thoroughly enjoying it!  I’ve learned that audiobooks are the only way I can get through any material lately.  It makes me want to go out on walks and take drives so I can listen to MoAr!  I’m already 10 hours into the 48 hour novel.  Although, I gotta say, it certainly feels strange to read about a deadly pandemic (written in 1978) during this current pandemic.  

After two months since I initially contacted the nearby school/daycare, I finally followed up to get Erp on a waitlist.  There are six kids ahead of her.   We took a tour on Friday and I want her to get in so so badly, hopefully before we move in June!  It would be such a great place for her to socialize and learn!

If any of the above isn’t telling, my hormones are all over the place. I know this because my face has decided to rage in all the redness and acne. So fun! 

Thanks to getting my house back, I’ve been able to establish a routine for us which includes going on stroller walks every day with the girls!  We’ve already made it over 37 miles this month!  Loving the outside time and knowing I’m working hard at my weight loss efforts.  

Despite being on maternity leave, this past Friday I was invited to participate in an EA (virtual) offsite with my team at work!  It was great to be able to see everyone again!  At the end we participated in a cooking class where they mailed me a box of all the ingredients to cook a NY Strip Steak and Corn Succotash! Deeeelicious! 

Given Erp’s increasing interest and ability at walking, I attempted a walk with her the other day, sans stroller!  I wore Aug in a wrap on my chest and held Erp’s hand as we walked around the neighborhood. We walked a good 1/4 of a mile!  Everything was fine until we made it back to our walkway and she refused to climb up the step to head back inside.  Like, laid flat on the ground refusal.  Since Aug was on me I couldn’t really just grab Erp and muscle her back inside.  She wouldn’t listen to any request of mine to go inside so we had a power struggle of what felt like 15 minutes but I’m sure was closer to 5.  She would try to crawl around my feet (into the bushes even to get around me), and any time I tried to lift her up she’d pull herself to the ground crying.  Eventually I tucked Aug’s flopping head into the fabric of the wrap so I could lean down and grab my tantruming child and carry her inside.  I want to be able to keep up with these excursions but not sure how to do so if she continues to rebel like this.  Like, if she did this farther from home we’d be up a creek.  Hopefully she’ll improve in time? 

OKAY! Hopefully we can now get back to our regularly scheduled blogging so a massive update like this won’t be necessary again :)  Thanks for taking time out of your day to catch up with me!

[walviemort]

Fairy Godfather, part 3

Summary: The fairies have asked a monumental favor of Killian: be the surrogate for their babies—all nine of them. He’s been pregnant before, but this? This is a whole other level. What has he gotten himself into? And just how big will he get?

A/N: Another update! Thank you to @sancocnutclub​ for her continued encouragement...which will be very apparent in part 4 ;)

rated T / 2.4k words / part 1 / part 2 / AO3

Though he had just passed the first trimester mark in this oversized pregnancy, Killian was pleased to find he was not lacking in the energy department. Granted, his first pregnancy had been similar—he’d had the most energy during the second trimester, despite the increasing size of his belly.

But his belly was a fraction of the size back then. Now, at 13 weeks, it was much closer to the size he’d been at 35 weeks with Hope. But he had yet to slow down—as evidenced by his and Emma’s morning activities; he was even on top.

There was no denying his present form was bulky, but he’d been too fatigued at this size with Hope to do much but sleep and eat. That was not a problem now, and both he and Emma were reaping the benefits. Reaching orgasm while she was caressing his bump? It was impossible to describe how amazing that felt.

However, he’d hardly finished when Hope began to cry out from her nursery. As much as he was still feeling good, moving did take a bit more effort than it had. This bump also weighed as much as his last one, and was only going to get heavier; at least it hadn’t dropped yet. But it meant that Emma was still quicker to her feet than he was, and sprang up to retrieve their 13 month old before she tried to climb out of her crib on her own.

Hope finally figured out walking a month or so ago—just in time for her first birthday—and he was well aware of the comical sight he’d made at her party, chasing after her with his protruding stomach. But at least he still could, even if he got winded more quickly than he’d like. 

Tink had been snickering at him during one such moment. “Hey,” he chastised and patted the bump. “Your kid is in here, so I’d watch the mocking when it comes to running after mine.”

“That’s fair,” she’d conceded. “Just let me know when you need help, though—I’ll gladly go after the little hellion.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

They hadn’t needed her help yet, but it was only a matter of time—especially by the sound of tiny but insistent footsteps that were getting faster every day as they ran down the hallway. 

“Dada!” her little voice called out as she charged into the room and threw herself against his legs as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“How’s my little cygnet today?” he enthusiastically replied as he bent down to pick her up. He had to open his legs to make room for the bump, but it was still an achievable feat, and Hope giggled as she flew into the air and the curled in as he carefully tucked her into his side. 

After a brief cuddle, she squirmed for him to set her down on the mattress, and gave his bump a gentle pat. “Hi babies,” she said (or tried to; some of those sounds were still being worked on). She’d noticed the bump a few weeks ago, once it had really started popping out. They couldn’t tell if she actually understood what was going on—and were glad she was young enough to not have to explain it—but she was at least careful and affectionate. 

He just hoped that continued as she grew steadier on her feet—and he grew larger and less so. 

Hope tucked herself back into Killian’s side and Emma sat down on the other. “This is a pretty perfect morning,” she sighed as she laid her head in his bare shoulder. “Do I really have to go into work?”

“I’m of the same opinion—but wasn’t Tiger Lily coming for training today?” She was the fairy who’d offered to take over his deputy duties once he no longer could—and he had a hunch she'd be an acceptable long-term hire. 

“Yeah,” she complained. “Just wish it could wait another day.”

“Or,” he suggested, “we get through today and then we can spend tomorrow in a similar manner.”

“I like the way you think,” she replied, then pulled him in for a kiss. 

He set Hope down on the bed, where she proceeded to tackle the pillows, and went about the process of getting dressed. His sleep pants still fit, although they were reaching the point where they were almost too snug on his hips, which had definitely widened more than last time. 

Thankfully, his maternity jeans were as stretchy as ever, and he hadn’t yet exceeded their capacity; the elastic panel hugged his belly comfortably as he slipped them on. 

Emma had bought him a collection of soft, short-sleeved t-shirts a size larger than he typically wore, and one of those slipped on easily, but the bump still stood prominently under navy cotton. Hopefully, they made these in several larger sizes. 

They stopped at Granny’s before heading to their respective workplaces for the day, and Killian consumed a larger stack of pancakes than he’d like to admit; good thing Belle took his measurements yesterday. At least there was also a generous side of fresh fruit. 

When he and Hope arrived at the library, he was only semi-surprised to see Blue there; she seemed to be showing up once a month or so to check in, but today had another goal. 

“Would you be okay with getting an ultrasound?” she asked. 

That was shocking. “Sure,” he said, “but will it be okay for them?” he countered, rubbing his belly. Inside, they seemed to be fluttering nervously. 

“If it’s fine for a human baby, it should be for them. It’s just—I see all these thorough notes and comparisons, and I’m curious what that would reveal.”

“Whale says he has an opening,” Belle added, phone in hand. “Shall we?”

They did, and headed out en masse to make the short walk to the hospital. At least, it should have been short, but Hope insisted on walking on her own and Killian’s pace wasn’t as fast as it normally was. 

Whale met them in the waiting room when they arrived, though, an eager look on his face. “Wondered if I'd see you this time around,” he greeted. “I’ve gotta say—I’m pretty curious about this.”

“Aren’t we all,” Killian answered dryly, bracing his hook against his lower back. 

“Come on; let’s take a peek in there,” Whale beckoned, and led them to an exam room. 

Killian passed Hope off to Blue and began the process of climbing up on the exam table; again—he was doing fine on the energy front, but a large bump was a large bump, and it not only was an obstacle to his mobility, but he was carrying around some weight he hadn’t been 13 weeks ago (and in more places than just the bump).

But he managed to get up there and lifted up his shirt without prompting; he knew the drill. During his seemingly arduous climb, Whale had been looking over Belle’s notes from both pregnancies. “Damn,” he commented. “I think your notes are more detailed than my charts.”

“That’s not reassuring,” Killian called out; Whale just chuckled and moved to ready the ultrasound machine while Belle rolled her eyes and readied her pen. 

Killian had forgotten how cold the gel was, but he got over it quickly as Whale began to move the probe over his (thankfully stretch mark-free) stomach. 

“Well I’ve never seen that before,” Whale said after a bit, and everyone focused on the screen. 

“I thought those were only in black and white?” Belle asked. 

“They are,” Whale confirmed. 

And yet, as the tiny images of multiple babies appeared on the screen, each one was showing up in a different color—the color of the orbs they started as. Tink’s green stood out front and center, but as Whale moved the probe over the dome that was Killian’s abdomen, all the other colors showed up, except—

“Where’s mine?” Blue asked, understandably worried. 

“Hmm,” Whale hummed, investigating. “One, two,” he started counting, finding 8 that were easily visible. “But it looks like…” He pressed harder on Killian’s belly, to the point of discomfort, but he didn’t complain—not when Blue looked so worried. 

“Yeah, there’s definitely one hiding in there,” Whale said. “I just can’t zero in. There’s some color bleeding through, though…”

And in between a pink-hued and navy-hued fetus, a bit of bright blue was visible. Blue sighed in relief. “Yeah, she’s just being stubborn,” Whale assured her. “You can probably blame it on Hook.”

“Hey!” he protested, but Belle’s snicker suggested she agreed.

“Anyways—from a development standpoint, yeah, I’d put you right at 13 weeks, although probably half the size. Were it a normal pregnancy, I’d guess you’d only go to 30 weeks or so, for safety—but I’m guessing that won’t be the case here?”

“No,” Blue said. “He’ll go all the way to full term.”

Whale whistled. “Thank goodness they’re small then.”

Several copies of the sonogram were printed off—as mysteriously colorful as they were on screen—with Killian taking one, another going in Belle’s notebook, and the rest going with Blue. There was some discussion of doing another ultrasound at the second trimester, but it was ultimately deemed unnecessary.

Whale bid them adieu but they lingered in the room, if only because it took Killian a bit to clean off the gel (he hated the way it got caught in the bit of hair on his stomach). Belle was wrangling the kids, but Blue was staring at the pictures, almost in awe. 

“You were worried, weren’t you?” Killian asked softly. “That she wasn’t there.”

“Yes,” Blue admitted. “It’s rare, but sometimes, they don’t all take. And I’ve just—I’ve waited so long for this.”

“I understand.” It had taken him and Emma quite some time to conceive Hope, and obviously they required assistance. 

“I guess I’ll just have to be patient,” she sighed. 

“Aye,” he agreed. “But—” He placed his hand on the top of his bump and furrowed his brow in concentration. “I’m almost positive she’s kicking my bladder at the moment.”

It drew the polite chuckle he was going for, but also meant he needed to excuse himself. Blue also took that moment to take her leave, but not without an emphatic thank-you.

He had to admit, as he shuffled off to the bathroom—he’d definitely been resentful of this arrangement to an extent. But seeing Blue’s genuine emotions there at the prospect of parenthood made that feeling dissipate. 

He was sure he’d have a mountain of complaints by the end of this, but being able to grant so many others the joys he’d found as a parent—that would be worth it. 

------------------------------------------------------

At 16 weeks, he hit the same measurements he had when he was at full term with Hope (literally those of the day before he’d gone into labor). But the bump still sat high on his frame. “I wonder if whatever magic is preventing stretch marks is also holding it aloft,” he quipped as he traced the curve of his belly. 

“It’s entirely possible,” Belle concurred. “Look at the difference.” In addition to measured data, she also had photographic documentation of his various milestones in both pregnancies; comparing the picture she’d just taken on her phone to the one from right before Hope entered the world, it was plain to see the similarities in how much they extended in front of him, but the difference in where it sat on his body. 

“We’ll see how long it lasts, though.”

In answer to his theory, he got another few weeks before things began to sit lower, though his stomach continued it’s outward expansion—a couple centimeters every week. But by his 17th week, he finally started feeling the pull of gravity and had to dig out the belly band he’d relied on the last month or so with Hope. 

But he soon noticed another issue. While he remembered what it was like to not be able to see his feet, and had gotten used to the obstacle about his midsection, he wasn’t prepared for it to stick out even more. 

Case in point: one morning during his 18th week, when he was attempting to surprise Emma with breakfast (usually she rose first, but a flurry of activity in his belly had woken him early). However, he was a bit farther from the stove than he was used to, as well as the cabinets, and he kept knocking into the chairs around the table; Hope was watching him from her own high chair in amusement, far more interested in his slapstick endeavor than her cereal. 

“What’s going on?” Emma’s sleepy voice asked after he cursed at nearly burning his belly on the oven. 

“Nothing,” he huffed, rubbing the spot on his bump that was just a bit too warm. “Just a failed attempt at treating my amazing wife.”

She glanced around, then smiled. “You were trying to make me breakfast but then your belly got in the way?”

“Aye,” he sighed. 

She walked over to him and pulled him into a hug—from the side, since she already couldn’t get close enough from the front—and turned his face towards her to kiss him. “You’re too sweet,” she said, tucking herself into his side. “And you treated me plenty last night,” she added in a low voice; he swallowed at the memory of their shared moment—probably one of the last times he’d be able to make love on top for a while, unless they got creative with the logistics, but dammit, he did it, and it was amazing. 

“I can finish this up; take a seat, okay?”

“I should be able to do this, though,” he complained. 

“And you will—in 5 months or so. But I told you I’d support you with this, so let me.”

He sighed again, but complied, and ignored the creak of his chair as he sat down (angled away from the table—he was also up a size in shirts, but his jeans were holding on…for now). “How did the gods see fit to bless this poor bastard with such an amazing woman?” he asked, watching the blush rise on her cheeks. 

“The same way they did for this lost girl,” she countered, then put a (heaping) plate in front of him. 

“I love you so much, Swan—thank you.”

She placed another kiss on his lips. “I love you too—always.”

Even if this wasn’t an ideal situation, he knew that he was blessed to have Emma at his side; he wouldn’t be able to get through this without her. 

-------------------------------------------------

thanks for reading! tagging @wyntereyez​ @jennjenn615​ @superadam54​ @ashley-knightingale​ @justsomewhump​ @teamhook​ @88infinity88​​ (let me know if you want a tag!)

[cristinablackthornkingson]

What Might’ve Been, Part 2.

Read Part 1 Here.

“What do you mean my son, what do you mean our son?” Tyger asks Rand in a disbelieving tone of confusion, pushing himself up so that he’s sitting back against the pillows, trying to comprehend what she’s just told him.

Rand sighs and looks down at the baby- Alex- in her arms, running a hand over his mop of dark brown hair. She bites her lip before looking back at Tyger and quietly saying 

“It’s a very long story, and you’re probably going to hate me by the end of it.” Tyger’s heart starts to raise with anxiety. 

“I can decide that for myself, just tell me what happened and why I’ve just woken up in some weird revival center with no memories of how I got here, with a Scythe by my bed with a kid you’re claiming is not only yours, but mine too.” Tyger tells her, his tone raising in anger and confusion. He just wants some answers. 

Over the course of the next few minutes, Rand explains everything to Tyger, from how she trained him as a Scythe in body alone, allowing him to believe he was going to be an ordained Scythe at the end of it all, to how she gleaned him and repurposed his body to revive Goddard, who then became High Blade which is why Alex was conceived in the first place. She tells him how she, in the end, chose her son over Goddard and killed Goddard to keep her son safe, and in turn revived and restored Tyger. 

“I know what I did to you was and is totally and completely unforgivable and I do not blame you one bit if you detest me. I can’t say I regret it because had I not done it, chances are I wouldn’t have Alex, and he is the single best and most important thing in this world. 

Alex has made me a better person, made me want to continue to be a better person, so I’ve gone off grid. That’s why I cut my hair and why I’m not wearing my robes, so The Scythedom can’t track me down. 

It’s also the reason I’m going by my birth name now, so you can call me Olivia, instead of Ayn or Rand.” 

Once she has finished her explanation, Olivia/Rand looks at Tyger for a few seconds, before once again looking back down at Alex, smiling at the sight of his sweet little face. 

The room is silent for a few minutes, the silence only ever interrupted by Alex’s snuffles and baby noises or the sound of him suckling on his pacifier. 

“You should leave now.” Tyger’s tense voice finally breaks the awkward silence a few minutes later.

Olivia/Rand had been prepared for this response, knew it was the most likely response Tyger would give, yet she still finds herself feeling a little bit upset and disappointed. However she simply nods, picks up the bag she brought with her, containing cleans clothes, diapers, etc. for Alex and stands up.

“I left my phone number and address on a piece of paper in your bedside locker, so you can contact me or come visit Alex whenever you want. 

I’m going to let you know here and now that I am not willing to split custody with you, not even 50/50, I will not be without my son for half the week especially when he’s hardly a month old. You are, however, more than welcome to come visit all the time and be heavily involved with him, but just know that if you try to mess with us in anyway you’ll hate me for a totally different reason than you do now.”

With that Olivia/Rand strides from the room with her head held high and Alex expertly cradled against her chest, leaving Tyger to try and process everything that happened. 

_______________________________________________________________

Olivia/Rand now lives in a 2 bedroom 2 story house just 10 minutes from the off-grid revival center, where she had Tyger revived, so it takes her hardly anytime at all to get home. 

Once there she easily settles Alex in his bassinet in the living room, for his afternoon nap. She feels so lucky to have such an easy and laid-back baby who doesn’t fuss much and just loves his sleep, he’s very like Tyger in that way. 

As Alex sleeps soundly where Olivia/Rand can see him from any place in the downstairs part of the house, she goes into the storage closet where she has stored away her robes, the ones she was wearing the day Alex was born, they still have bloodstains on them, both from when she gleaned Goddard and moments later when she went into labor. 

Despite what some may think, Olivia does not keep her robes for sentimentality or because she has intentions to one day return to being Scythe Ayn Rand, but because if she were to throw them away they would instantly be recognizable and could lead the Scythedom straight to her.

Olivia walks up to her robes and plunges her hand into one of it’s many pockets. She still has a few weapons in here too, but the most important thing is what she pulls out a few seconds later. Her ring. 

She’s kept her ring because she’s not sure what to do with it, the Scythedom can’t use it to trace her unless she gleans someone while wearing it, or uses it to grant someone immunity, which she has no intention of doing, Alex automatically has immunity, as her family member so she doesn’t need to have him kiss the ring or anything. 

She steps out of the storage space and leans back against the wall, spending a few minutes studying the ring and getting lost in her thoughts. She remembers the day she was ordained, very clearly, it was only 8 years ago after all. What made her happiest about that day was the attention and praise she received from Goddard, at the time she was his only Junior Scythe (Chomsky would join them the following year and Volta wouldn’t even be ordained for several more years.) 

All day he told her how very proud he was of her and how she would rise to the very top of the ranks in no time. She adored the attention he lavished on her, she was crushing on him hard, felt like she was totally and utterly in love with him and couldn’t think of anything better than getting to live with him and see him and spend time with him every single day for the foreseeable future. 

If someone had told 17 year old Olivia that she would actually end up having Goddard’s baby one day, she would have lost her damn mind, little did she know what a terrible and evil person he was.

She then starts to think about what she should do with the ring, she already knows she’s never going to be a Scythe again, never glean anyone again.(Unless someone tries to hurt Alex in anyway, then she will go full protective mama bear mode.)

When she took Alex to the hospital last week so the doctors could make sure his nanites were working correctly and he was growing properly, she heard people talking about how Scythe Curie had been appointed High Blade in the wake of Goddard’s death. Olivia briefly thinks of approaching Scythe Curie and asking for her help in completely erasing herself from the Scythedom and keeping Alex’s identity as legally Goddard’s son, a secret. However she is far too stubborn and proud to accept help and quickly dismisses the idea.

Instead, Olivia steps into the kitchen and drops her ring down the trash compacter before switching it on and ridding herself of Scythe Ayn Rand, forever. 

_______________________________________________________________

That night, at around 3:00 A.M, Olivia is pulled from her peaceful sleep by the familiar sounds of Alex’s high-pitched cry, the cry which she has come to decipher as his ‘I’m hungry’ cry.

Olivia rubs at her eyes before pushing herself up in bed, pushing her hair back from her face. 

“Okay buddy I hear you, I got you it’s okay, mama’s got you.” She softly and quietly says, reaching over to the bassinet by her bedside and gently lifting Alex out and into her arms.

As she sits there in the dark, only illuminated by the streetlights outside, nursing her son, Olivia takes the moment to think of how much she really loves her son, and how beyond grateful she is to have him.

“I love you so much Alex, I know I tell you every single day but I want you to know just how loved you are. My parents never told me they loved me, or showed it, it’s probably one of the reasons I became the person I was before I had you.

You changed me Alex, the minute the midwife placed you on my chest I knew I could never go back to the person I was before I got pregnant, before I loved you. You deserve a much better upbringing than I had, or than the one Goddard wanted to give you. I’m not the most maternal person in the world but I’ll do anything for you Alex and I promise I’m going to be the best mom you could ask for.

Before you, I thought myself in love with Goddard, I thought I needed him. When I was younger and slept around a lot it was only ever to make him jealous, I thought if he saw me with other men- and women- he would realize he actually had feelings for me and wanted to be with me, but obviously that never happened. And you know what buddy? Turns out I didn’t need Goddard, what I needed was not just somebody to love me, but somebody for me to love and be responsible for and take care of, and now I have that person, I have you.”

By the time Olivia has poured her heart out, Alex is sound asleep again. She smiles and adjusts her top before kissing her son’s forehead. 

“I love you Alexander.” 

The next morning, at just a few minutes past 9:00 A.M., just after Alex finishes his first morning feed and Olivia is just about to prepare her own breakfast, there is a knock on the front door. 

Olivia freezes when she hears the knock. She hasn’t had any visitors in the month since she moved here and hardly anyone knows she’s here. It could of course easily be a neighbor being friendly, there’s a small chance it could be Tyger wanting to see Alex, but it’s only been a day since his revival, he probably needs a lot more time to think. Or worst of all, it could be a Scythe, either come to glean Olivia or come to confront her for abandoning her position as a Scythe and just disappearing. 

Knowing there’s no point in just ignoring the door, Olivia picks Alex up and holds him firmly and tightly against her, in case it is someone from the Scythedom and she has to run. She also slips a sharp knife from the kitchen, up her sleeve, experienced enough with weapons not to cut herself or Alex.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia makes her way over to the door and slowly opens it, her heart racing. However she needn’t have worried at all, as almost right away she can see that it’s Tyger standing there. She lets her shoulders sag with relief, both pleased and surprised to see Tyger standing there.

“Hello Tyger, I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.” She calmly says, discretely slipping the knife onto the side table just behind her.

Tyger shrugs.

“I mean... it is what is I guess. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive you for what you did to me, but... I don’t wanna be a deadbeat like my dad was, I wanna be involved with my kid, be there for him and let him know I love him and care about him, the opposite of what my dad did for me. So... I’m willing to be civil with you for my kid’s sake... our kid’s sake.” He tells her, doing his best not to let his voice convey his feelings of hurt over how his dad treated him. 

“Like I said yesterday, you’re welcome to be in Alex’s life. Do you want to come in?” Olivia quietly asks, stepping back and holding the door open further. Tyger nods and steps into the small house.

“Can I hold him? The baby.... Alex?” Tyger hopefully asks, once settled on the sofa in the living room where Olivia had been sitting just moments ago. 

“Sure.” Olivia says, forcing herself to push past her instinct to pull Alex even closer and not let anyone else near him. Tyger is his father, he has every right to hold and get to know Alex, it was the main reason she revived Tyger, so Alex could have his dad in his life, his real dad. 

Olivia carefully lowers Alex into Tyger’s arms and almost immediately Alex makes strange, starting to fuss and squirm, letting out a few squawks and cries of protest, making Tyger grow wide-eyed and look up at Olivia, his eyes full of alarm and panic.

“Sorry.” Olivia apologizes, giving Alex his pacifier which always soothes him. “He’s not use to other people being around or being held by someone else, it’s just been the two of us since he was born last month.” 

Within a few seconds though, Alex settles down and lets his eyes flutter closed, and he soon dozes back off to sleep, clearly feeling pretty safe and secure with his dad. 

Tyger looks down at the baby in his arms in total disbelief, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that this baby is his, his son, his son that had been conceived while he himself was dead and a crazy dictator took over his body and used it to create the baby in his arms right now, who he was going to raise to be another crazy dictator, like some of those downright evil rulers from mortal times, Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump come to mind. 

Tyger brushes a hand over Alex’s hair, smiling at how peaceful and happy he looks. 

“I can’t believe I’m a dad.” Tyger quietly says. 

“I felt like that at first too, even after almost 9 months of pregnancy and a whole month before that knowing that I was going to be pregnant in the near future, I still couldn’t believe I’m a a mom, it took a few days to wrap my head around it but now it feels like he’s always been here.” Olivia replies, hardly able to believe there was indeed a time in her life without Alex.

“He looks just like you.” Tyger says with a small smile, really noticing the likeness between Olivia (or Rand as he still thinks of her) and Alex. 

“He has your hair though, the color anyway, hopefully the poor little guy won’t end up with hair so thick the brush gets caught in it, like me.” Olivia responds with a light laugh.

Tyger spends the rest of the day with Olivia and Alex, getting to know his son and letting Olivia fill him in on the details of her pregnancy and birth, and the first month of Alex’s life. He learns to change a diaper, how to wind Alex and calm him down when he cries, he gets to spend an hour just holding his son and bonding with him, while Olivia takes a much needed nap. It’s one of the best days of his life.

Tyger continues to show up at Olivia’s everyday to see Alex, and often spends the night in the guest bedroom, taking Alex during the night when he’s anything but hungry, letting Olivia rest. 

He buys Alex any and everything a child could want, and soon falls totally head over heels in love with his son, feeling a love for him stronger than he has ever felt any other emotion, ever. It took a while for them to form that bond, but after lots of quality time together, they’re soon the best of pals. 

When Alex says his first word (mama) at 9 months old, Olivia and Tyger are the two proudest parents in the world, Olivia never feeling more happy and secure in her position as a mom, there’s something special about hearing your baby call you ‘mama’ for the first time, it made her fall in love with Alex all over again. 

Over the next year the three of them become the solid little family that Olivia had wanted so badly with Goddard. (Though she and Tyger are not together, they’re friends but nothing more, though neither of them know that the other is actually harboring feelings for them.) 

They take Alex on all sorts of trips and outings. One of Alex’s favorite things to do is splash his parents in the pool or during bath time, he also likes to run, not walk and loves music of any kind, put on anything with a beat and Alex will enjoy it and find a way to dance to it.

On Alex’s first birthday the two of them decide to just have a small celebration at Olivia’s home with just the 3 of them, Tyger buys Alex a cake with cartoon characters from a mortal age children’s t.v. program, that Alex loves. It’s very extravagant and over the top for a one year old, but Tyger insists on nothing but the best for Alex, even if ti means going over the top, his little boy is more than worth it. 

Tyger had wanted to light the candles and have Alex blow them out first thing that morning, when he arrived with the cake and Alex’s present, but Olivia insisted they wait until exactly 3:04 P.M., which is the time that Alex was born. 

They spend the morning and most of the afternoon playing with Alex, letting him open his presents and looking back at pictures of him from when he was much smaller. 

When 3:04 finally rolls around, after Olivia has given Alex about a million kisses and told him she loves him so much about a million thousand times, Tyger lights the candles on the cake and takes Alex into his arms to help him blow the candles out, while Olivia watches from beside him.

Being a typical toddler Alex almost gives his parents about a million heart attacks when he continuously tries to grab the flames on the candles. In the end, Tyger blows the candles out for him, and is rewarded by the biggest smile he has ever seen Alex give, and the sound of Alex’s infectious giggle. It warms his heart to hear and see his son so happy, and in this moment he doesn’t think he himself could be happier either. 

Tyger kisses Alex on the cheek, before turning to smile brightly at Olivia, unbelievably feeling grateful that she of all people, is the mother of his child. 

“You okay?” Olivia asks, after Tyger has been staring to her for a few seconds, smiling like an idiot. At this he smiles even wider and lets out a laugh of pure delight. 

“I love you.” And then he leans in and kisses her.

[themomsandthecity]

12 Things No One Tells You About Having a Second Baby

People throw so much advice at you when you're a first-time parent. Just the sight of your pregnant belly and a confirmation that it's your first brings an onslaught of unsolicited tips and sometimes helpful musings. Cut to the second time you expand your family and everyone just assumes you've got it down. The only advice I got this time was: "If they both need you, help the older child first." (Good advice, by the way.) My general lack of mental preparation before doubling the number of children I had made for some surprising findings in my first few months as a second-time mom. 1. You Will Feel More Guilty Than You Ever Have You'll feel guilty for spending too much time with your newborn and not paying enough attention to your older child. And then you'll spend more time with your older child and feel terrible for neglecting your newborn. You'll wish you could spend every second with each of your children while also wishing you could take 20 minutes to shower by yourself. It's a guilt-ridden cycle that I wish I could say goes away, but it really just gets a little less intense. Because what's motherhood without a little guilt, really? 2. You Won't Remember as Much as You Think You Will Prepare to go through the process of figuring it all out all over again. It does come back to you, but it's not as immediate as you might think. After the birth of my second son, I had to ask the nurse in the hospital how often I should feed him and when we got home I was shocked at how many diapers we went through. Don't be surprised if you and your partner look at each other with bewilderment when trying to remember what time you used to put your first to bed at night or how many ounces he would take from a bottle. 3. The Whole Experience Will Be Less Intense This isn't to say it's not as special and important, but it's just not as life changing as that first time you brought a baby out into the world from inside of your body. You've already witnessed the insane and unimaginable miracle that is a tiny human created by you and your partner. It's not so much been there, done that, but it just doesn't quite shake you to your core the way having a baby the first time can. This is not to say your hormones won't still be all over the place. It just means that instead of being on a loopy, upside-down roller coaster at Six Flags, they'll probably be riding something more like Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland. 4. Breastfeeding Will Still Be Hard I was told so many times that breastfeeding is so much easier the second time. And I will say it's easier . . . but it's still hard. You might feel less overwhelmed by the idea if you've already been successful at nursing once before, but if you're like me, you'll still have to work on the latch at the beginning and you'll still be ordering nipple cream on Amazon from your hospital bed. The good news is that (for me at least) the nipple pain didn't last as long and it felt like we were in a better place feeding-wise much more quickly than the first time. 5. You'll Have Even Less Modesty Than Before Seems impossible, I know, but everyone's already seen it all and now they've seen it all again. Especially your boobs. You don't have the luxury of timing your day around nursing schedules since your older one probably needs to leave the house at some point. So you get extremely comfortable, dare I say nonchalant, about nursing your baby in public. Anywhere, anytime. It's actually quite freeing if, like me, you spent the first go-around desperately seeking a hidden spot to feed on the go. 6. Your Maternity Leave Days Will Look Much Different Remember lingering in bed for morning feedings and rocking your baby while he slept during the day? Maybe you even enjoyed some leisurely lunches with friends and a little daytime TV after having your first. You guessed it: unless you have live-in help or an older one in full-time preschool, those days are long gone. Get some help that allows you to have even just a few hours a week of sweet, uninterrupted newborn time. It goes a long way. 7. You Will Need More Help Than You Think You now not only need someone to help you with your own recovery and with the tiny human, but you also need someone to entertain your older child and keep your house in order. Ask neighbors and friends to set up a dinner drop-off, schedule play dates for your toddler, and say yes to anyone who offers to help you around the house. You might even want someone to join you to tackle your first out-of-the-house adventure with both kids. Even if you think you've got it down, you'll be glad to have the extra hands. 8. There Will Be More Laundry Than You Thought Possible It doesn't seem like a little person with teeny-tiny things would add that much more to the laundry pile already created by three people, but somehow, the baby seems to actually double it. If you don't do at least one load of laundry every day, you are already behind. See previous point. 9. You Will Appreciate Babywearing Like Never Before Keeping your baby close is not only a sweet way to bond, but with the second, it's a necessity. It helps leave your hands free to deal with all things toddler and beyond throughout the day and also gives you a little peace of mind without having to follow your older one's every move. Because this time when you set your infant down, you not only risk crying that needs to be tended to, but also you have the added element of a toddler who may want to "play" with the baby by putting blankets on his face or driving cars over his soft spot while you take a quick bathroom break. It's just easier if the baby is with you. 10. You Will Become the Master of Logistics One of the biggest question marks for me before I became a second-time mom had to do with how I would get both of them in and out of the house or car to go anywhere, ever. Does the toddler get out of his seat first and hold your hand so he can't run into the parking lot while you get the baby into the stroller? How do you take them both to Target and still have room in your cart to actually shop (see number eight)? It requires some trial and error, but you'll become the master of the juggling act and feel pretty accomplished after that first successful trip to the grocery store with two. 11. You Can Get By With Less Stuff I tried to be pretty minimal with the "stuff" with my firstborn since we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. When the second arrived, it became apparent that I still had way too much gear, clothing, and blankets, despite having twice as much space. You just don't need as much with the second one since that nagging first-time-mom feeling that you MUST BRING EVERYTHING on your 15-minute walk around the block is replaced by less anxiety-fueled thoughts. Plus, there's just not enough room for all those toddler snacks and three outfit changes for the baby in your bag. 12. You Won't Care So Much About Screen Time If your older one is at an age where TV is capable of capturing their full attention, you'll be more than happy to have the option of plopping them in front of a show while you nurse for the hundredth time. Trust me. I'm back to regulating screen time with my older one now that the little guy is 5 months old, but I wouldn't have gotten through the early days without a DVR full of Thomas and Friends. http://bit.ly/2Cr4DMk

[themomsandthecity]

12 Things No One Tells You About Having a Second Baby

People throw so much advice at you when you're a first-time parent. Just the sight of your pregnant belly and a confirmation that it's your first brings an onslaught of unsolicited tips and sometimes helpful musings. Cut to the second time you expand your family and everyone just assumes you've got it down. The only advice I got this time was: "If they both need you, help the older child first." (Good advice, by the way.) My general lack of mental preparation before doubling the number of children I had made for some surprising findings in my first few months as a second-time mom. 1. You Will Feel More Guilty Than You Ever Have You'll feel guilty for spending too much time with your newborn and not paying enough attention to your older child. And then you'll spend more time with your older child and feel terrible for neglecting your newborn. You'll wish you could spend every second with each of your children while also wishing you could take 20 minutes to shower by yourself. It's a guilt-ridden cycle that I wish I could say goes away, but it really just gets a little less intense. Because what's motherhood without a little guilt, really? 2. You Won't Remember as Much as You Think You Will Prepare to go through the process of figuring it all out all over again. It does come back to you, but it's not as immediate as you might think. After the birth of my second son, I had to ask the nurse in the hospital how often I should feed him and when we got home I was shocked at how many diapers we went through. Don't be surprised if you and your partner look at each other with bewilderment when trying to remember what time you used to put your first to bed at night or how many ounces he would take from a bottle. 3. The Whole Experience Will Be Less Intense This isn't to say it's not as special and important, but it's just not as life changing as that first time you brought a baby out into the world from inside of your body. You've already witnessed the insane and unimaginable miracle that is a tiny human created by you and your partner. It's not so much been there, done that, but it just doesn't quite shake you to your core the way having a baby the first time can. This is not to say your hormones won't still be all over the place. It just means that instead of being on a loopy, upside-down roller coaster at Six Flags, they'll probably be riding something more like Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland. 4. Breastfeeding Will Still Be Hard I was told so many times that breastfeeding is so much easier the second time. And I will say it's easier . . . but it's still hard. You might feel less overwhelmed by the idea if you've already been successful at nursing once before, but if you're like me, you'll still have to work on the latch at the beginning and you'll still be ordering nipple cream on Amazon from your hospital bed. The good news is that (for me at least) the nipple pain didn't last as long and it felt like we were in a better place feeding-wise much more quickly than the first time. 5. You'll Have Even Less Modesty Than Before Seems impossible, I know, but everyone's already seen it all and now they've seen it all again. Especially your boobs. You don't have the luxury of timing your day around nursing schedules since your older one probably needs to leave the house at some point. So you get extremely comfortable, dare I say nonchalant, about nursing your baby in public. Anywhere, anytime. It's actually quite freeing if, like me, you spent the first go-around desperately seeking a hidden spot to feed on the go. 6. Your Maternity Leave Days Will Look Much Different Remember lingering in bed for morning feedings and rocking your baby while he slept during the day? Maybe you even enjoyed some leisurely lunches with friends and a little daytime TV after having your first. You guessed it: unless you have live-in help or an older one in full-time preschool, those days are long gone. Get some help that allows you to have even just a few hours a week of sweet, uninterrupted newborn time. It goes a long way. 7. You Will Need More Help Than You Think You now not only need someone to help you with your own recovery and with the tiny human, but you also need someone to entertain your older child and keep your house in order. Ask neighbors and friends to set up a dinner drop-off, schedule play dates for your toddler, and say yes to anyone who offers to help you around the house. You might even want someone to join you to tackle your first out-of-the-house adventure with both kids. Even if you think you've got it down, you'll be glad to have the extra hands. 8. There Will Be More Laundry Than You Thought Possible It doesn't seem like a little person with teeny-tiny things would add that much more to the laundry pile already created by three people, but somehow, the baby seems to actually double it. If you don't do at least one load of laundry every day, you are already behind. See previous point. 9. You Will Appreciate Babywearing Like Never Before Keeping your baby close is not only a sweet way to bond, but with the second, it's a necessity. It helps leave your hands free to deal with all things toddler and beyond throughout the day and also gives you a little peace of mind without having to follow your older one's every move. Because this time when you set your infant down, you not only risk crying that needs to be tended to, but also you have the added element of a toddler who may want to "play" with the baby by putting blankets on his face or driving cars over his soft spot while you take a quick bathroom break. It's just easier if the baby is with you. 10. You Will Become the Master of Logistics One of the biggest question marks for me before I became a second-time mom had to do with how I would get both of them in and out of the house or car to go anywhere, ever. Does the toddler get out of his seat first and hold your hand so he can't run into the parking lot while you get the baby into the stroller? How do you take them both to Target and still have room in your cart to actually shop (see number eight)? It requires some trial and error, but you'll become the master of the juggling act and feel pretty accomplished after that first successful trip to the grocery store with two. 11. You Can Get By With Less Stuff I tried to be pretty minimal with the "stuff" with my firstborn since we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. When the second arrived, it became apparent that I still had way too much gear, clothing, and blankets, despite having twice as much space. You just don't need as much with the second one since that nagging first-time-mom feeling that you MUST BRING EVERYTHING on your 15-minute walk around the block is replaced by less anxiety-fueled thoughts. Plus, there's just not enough room for all those toddler snacks and three outfit changes for the baby in your bag. 12. You Won't Care So Much About Screen Time If your older one is at an age where TV is capable of capturing their full attention, you'll be more than happy to have the option of plopping them in front of a show while you nurse for the hundredth time. Trust me. I'm back to regulating screen time with my older one now that the little guy is 5 months old, but I wouldn't have gotten through the early days without a DVR full of Thomas and Friends. http://bit.ly/2jXpBNC

[themomsandthecity]

12 Things No One Tells You About Having a Second Baby

People throw so much advice at you when you're a first-time parent. Just the sight of your pregnant belly and a confirmation that it's your first brings an onslaught of unsolicited tips and sometimes helpful musings. Cut to the second time you expand and your family and everyone just assumes you've got it down. The only advice I got this time was: "If they both need you, help the older child first." (Good advice, by the way.) My general lack of mental preparation before doubling the number of children I had made for some surprising findings in my first few months as a second-time mom. 1. You Will Feel More Guilty Than You Ever Have You'll feel guilty for spending too much time with your newborn and not paying enough attention to your older child. And then you'll spend more time with your older child and feel terrible for neglecting your newborn. You'll wish you could spend every second with each of your children while also wishing you could take 20 minutes to shower by yourself. It's a guilt-ridden cycle that I wish I could say goes away, but it really just gets a little less intense. Because what's motherhood without a little guilt, really? 2. You Won't Remember as Much as You Think You Will Prepare to go through the process of figuring it all out all over again. It does come back to you, but it's not as immediate as you might think. After the birth of my second son, I had to ask the nurse in the hospital how often I should feed him and when we got home I was shocked at how many diapers we went through. Don't be surprised if you and your partner look at each other with bewilderment when trying to remember what time you used to put your first to bed at night or how many ounces he would take from a bottle. 3. The Whole Experience Will Be Less Intense This isn't to say it's not as special and important, but it's just not as life changing as that first time you brought a baby out into the world from inside of your body. You've already witnessed the insane and unimaginable miracle that is a tiny human created by you and your partner. It's not so much been there, done that, but it just doesn't quite shake you to your core the way having a baby the first time can. This is not to say your hormones won't still be all over the place. It just means that instead of being on a loopy, upside-down roller coaster at Six Flags, they'll probably be riding something more like Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland. 4. Breastfeeding Will Still Be Hard I was told so many times that breastfeeding is so much easier the second time. And I will say it's easier . . . but it's still hard. You might feel less overwhelmed by the idea if you've already been successful at nursing once before, but if you're like me, you'll still have to work on the latch at the beginning and you'll still be ordering nipple cream on Amazon from your hospital bed. The good news is that (for me at least) the nipple pain didn't last as long and it felt like we were in a better place feeding-wise much more quickly than the first time. 5. You'll Have Even Less Modesty Than Before Seems impossible, I know, but everyone's already seen it all and now they've seen it all again. Especially your boobs. You don't have the luxury of timing your day around nursing schedules since your older one probably needs to leave the house at some point. So you get extremely comfortable, dare I say nonchalant, about nursing your baby in public. Anywhere, anytime. It's actually quite freeing if, like me, you spent the first go-around desperately seeking a hidden spot to feed on the go. 6. Your Maternity Leave Days Will Look Much Different Remember lingering in bed for morning feedings and rocking your baby while he slept during the day? Maybe you even enjoyed some leisurely lunches with friends and a little daytime TV after having your first. You guessed it: unless you have live-in help or an older one in full-time preschool, those days are long gone. Get some help that allows you to have even just a few hours a week of sweet, uninterrupted newborn time. It goes a long way. 7. You Will Need More Help Than You Think You now not only need someone to help you with your own recovery and with the tiny human, but you also need someone to entertain your older child and keep your house in order. Ask neighbors and friends to set up a dinner drop-off, schedule play dates for your toddler, and say yes to anyone who offers to help you around the house. You might even want someone to join you to tackle your first out-of-the-house adventure with both kids. Even if you think you've got it down, you'll be glad to have the extra hands. 8. There Will Be More Laundry Than You Thought Possible It doesn't seem like a little person with teeny-tiny things would add that much more to the laundry pile already created by three people, but somehow, the baby seems to actually double it. If you don't do at least one load of laundry every day, you are already behind. See previous point. 9. You Will Appreciate Babywearing Like Never Before Keeping your baby close is not only a sweet way to bond, but with the second, it's a necessity. It helps leave your hands free to deal with all things toddler and beyond throughout the day and also gives you a little peace of mind without having to follow your older one's every move. Because this time when you set your infant down, you not only risk crying that needs to be tended to, but also you have the added element of a toddler who may want to "play" with the baby by putting blankets on his face or driving cars over his soft spot while you take a quick bathroom break. It's just easier if the baby is with you. 10. You Will Become the Master of Logistics One of the biggest question marks for me before I became a second-time mom had to do with how I would get both of them in and out of the house or car to go anywhere, ever. Does the toddler get out of his seat first and hold your hand so he can't run into the parking lot while you get the baby into the stroller? How do you take them both to Target and still have room in your cart to actually shop (see number eight)? It requires some trial and error, but you'll become the master of the juggling act and feel pretty accomplished after that first successful trip to the grocery store with two. 11. You Can Get By With Less Stuff I tried to be pretty minimal with the "stuff" with my firstborn since we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. When the second arrived, it became apparent that I still had way too much gear, clothing, and blankets, despite having twice as much space. You just don't need as much with the second one since that nagging first-time-mom feeling that you MUST BRING EVERYTHING on your 15-minute walk around the block is replaced by less anxiety-fueled thoughts. Plus, there's just not enough room for all those toddler snacks and three outfit changes for the baby in your bag. 12. You Won't Care So Much About Screen Time If your older one is at an age where TV is capable of capturing their full attention, you'll be more than happy to have the option of plopping them in front of a show while you nurse for the hundredth time. Trust me. I'm back to regulating screen time with my older one now that the little guy is 5 months old, but I wouldn't have gotten through the early days without a DVR full of Thomas and Friends. http://bit.ly/2nLDgV5

[themomsandthecity]

12 Things No One Tells You About Having a Second Baby

People throw so much advice at you when you're a first-time parent. Just the sight of your pregnant belly and a confirmation that it's your first brings an onslaught of unsolicited tips and sometimes helpful musings. Cut to the second time you expand and your family and everyone just assumes you've got it down. The only advice I got this time was: "If they both need you, help the older child first." (Good advice, by the way.) My general lack of mental preparation before doubling the number of children I had made for some surprising findings in my first few months as a second-time mom. 1. You Will Feel More Guilty Than You Ever Have You'll feel guilty for spending too much time with your newborn and not paying enough attention to your older child. And then you'll spend more time with your older child and feel terrible for neglecting your newborn. You'll wish you could spend every second with each of your children while also wishing you could take 20 minutes to shower by yourself. It's a guilt-ridden cycle that I wish I could say goes away, but it really just gets a little less intense. Because what's motherhood without a little guilt, really? 2. You Won't Remember as Much as You Think You Will Prepare to go through the process of figuring it all out all over again. It does come back to you, but it's not as immediate as you might think. After the birth of my second son, I had to ask the nurse in the hospital how often I should feed him and when we got home I was shocked at how many diapers we went through. Don't be surprised if you and your partner look at each other with bewilderment when trying to remember what time you used to put your first to bed at night or how many ounces he would take from a bottle. 3. The Whole Experience Will Be Less Intense This isn't to say it's not as special and important, but it's just not as life changing as that first time you brought a baby out into the world from inside of your body. You've already witnessed the insane and unimaginable miracle that is a tiny human created by you and your partner. It's not so much been there, done that, but it just doesn't quite shake you to your core the way having a baby the first time can. This is not to say your hormones won't still be all over the place. It just means that instead of being on a loopy, upside-down roller coaster at Six Flags, they'll probably be riding something more like Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disneyland. 4. Breastfeeding Will Still Be Hard I was told so many times that breastfeeding is so much easier the second time. And I will say it's easier . . . but it's still hard. You might feel less overwhelmed by the idea if you've already been successful at nursing once before, but if you're like me, you'll still have to work on the latch at the beginning and you'll still be ordering nipple cream on Amazon from your hospital bed. The good news is that (for me at least) the nipple pain didn't last as long and it felt like we were in a better place feeding-wise much more quickly than the first time. 5. You'll Have Even Less Modesty Than Before Seems impossible, I know, but everyone's already seen it all and now they've seen it all again. Especially your boobs. You don't have the luxury of timing your day around nursing schedules since your older one probably needs to leave the house at some point. So you get extremely comfortable, dare I say nonchalant, about nursing your baby in public. Anywhere, anytime. It's actually quite freeing if, like me, you spent the first go-around desperately seeking a hidden spot to feed on the go. 6. Your Maternity Leave Days Will Look Much Different Remember lingering in bed for morning feedings and rocking your baby while he slept during the day? Maybe you even enjoyed some leisurely lunches with friends and a little daytime TV after having your first. You guessed it: unless you have live-in help or an older one in full-time preschool, those days are long gone. Get some help that allows you to have even just a few hours a week of sweet, uninterrupted newborn time. It goes a long way. 7. You Will Need More Help Than You Think You now not only need someone to help you with your own recovery and with the tiny human, but you also need someone to entertain your older child and keep your house in order. Ask neighbors and friends to set up a dinner drop-off, schedule play dates for your toddler, and say yes to anyone who offers to help you around the house. You might even want someone to join you to tackle your first out-of-the-house adventure with both kids. Even if you think you've got it down, you'll be glad to have the extra hands. 8. There Will Be More Laundry Than You Thought Possible It doesn't seem like a little person with teeny-tiny things would add that much more to the laundry pile already created by three people, but somehow, the baby seems to actually double it. If you don't do at least one load of laundry every day, you are already behind. See previous point. 9. You Will Appreciate Babywearing Like Never Before Keeping your baby close is not only a sweet way to bond, but with the second, it's a necessity. It helps leave your hands free to deal with all things toddler and beyond throughout the day and also gives you a little peace of mind without having to follow your older one's every move. Because this time when you set your infant down, you not only risk crying that needs to be tended to, but also you have the added element of a toddler who may want to "play" with the baby by putting blankets on his face or driving cars over his soft spot while you take a quick bathroom break. It's just easier if the baby is with you. 10. You Will Become the Master of Logistics One of the biggest question marks for me before I became a second-time mom had to do with how I would get both of them in and out of the house or car to go anywhere, ever. Does the toddler get out of his seat first and hold your hand so he can't run into the parking lot while you get the baby into the stroller? How do you take them both to Target and still have room in your cart to actually shop (see number eight)? It requires some trial and error, but you'll become the master of the juggling act and feel pretty accomplished after that first successful trip to the grocery store with two. 11. You Can Get By With Less Stuff I tried to be pretty minimal with the "stuff" with my firstborn since we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. When the second arrived, it became apparent that I still had way too much gear, clothing, and blankets, despite having twice as much space. You just don't need as much with the second one since that nagging first-time-mom feeling that you MUST BRING EVERYTHING on your 15-minute walk around the block is replaced by less anxiety-fueled thoughts. Plus, there's just not enough room for all those toddler snacks and three outfit changes for the baby in your bag. 12. You Won't Care So Much About Screen Time If your older one is at an age where TV is capable of capturing their full attention, you'll be more than happy to have the option of plopping them in front of a show while you nurse for the hundredth time. Trust me. I'm back to regulating screen time with my older one now that the little guy is 5 months old, but I wouldn't have gotten through the early days without a DVR full of Thomas and Friends. http://bit.ly/2lUdGPx